A Very Xeno Year
by ChaosDreamer
Summary: A number of spoofs in which the Xenosaga crew enjoy the many different holidays coming up! Yes, I know, the first one is out of season.
1. Chapter 1

**Chaos's Notes:** Well, I return from an extended vacation from fanfiction. What better way to come back than with a spoof! Well, enjoy my out of season fiction. It's so out of season it burns! But whatever, Christmas is the easiest time of the year to spoof. No? Well, who cares, it's for entertainment purposes! This might be the only fic for awhile, I'm busy with school, but I'll try coming back to writing this stuff, it's so fun!

**Little Note: **Major out of character-ness.

**A Very Xeno Year**

**Spoof # 1**

**The Christmas Party**

Christmas Eve has fallen upon Second Miltia. Yes, the season of giving and poorly sung Christmas melodies! A blanket of freshly fallen snow has stopped any Miltian traffic and everyone is rushing here and there trying to get the presents they said they'd get some weeks ago but somehow always managed put it off. Allen Ridgeley was no different.

"Aw man!" he cried, looking at the news in utter disbelief. "Merry Christmas!" was all over the headlines. "I forgot to get presents for everyone!" Now Allen would have to join everyone else in the battle for all the special discount items.

Fortunately, Allen had enough time for his last minute shopping escapades. Unfortunately, he had no clue what the hell he was getting himself into.

His jaw literally dropped to the floor when he walked into the first City Sector. A mob of angry mothers and fathers were all clamoring to get into the very same store Allen had planned to go to.

"Only one hundred people at a time," yelled a distressed store manager, the mob merely loomed over at the small man with an oh so murderous leer and cackle.

"I'm doomed…" He groaned, placing a hand on his face.

Then an idea struck him! He scratched his chin thinking it over. It seemed genius enough; make a false statement that there was a HUGE sale over at the other sector. 'Genius, pure genius!' thought Allen, laughing to himself loudly, which in normal circumstances would earn him stares and a child's comment of "Mommy, that scary man is laughing to himself!" But no one seemed to notice his laugh, or even that he was there!

"HEY, EVERYONE," he yelled over everyone, catching everyone's attention oddly. "There's a huge sale, that-a-way!" He pointed to the Second Sector.

And his plan worked! Well, getting run over by the mob wasn't part of the plan but it's a small price to pay since it worked. Now he could get his Christmas shopping done and maybe even get something to impress his sweet Shion. His plan seemed so perfect! He should win a medal for his genius, he thought!

Elsewhere, back at the Uzuki residence, Shion thought it might be nice to have a Christmas party. They've all been running around like Private Eyes solving a mystery, she thought it might be a nice idea to have a small party to let loose and relax! But, this time honored tradition needed something. An evergreen tree. A lush evergreen tree so tall that it wouldn't even fit into Jin's tiny home!

"I still don't get why I have to get one," Shion's older brother said after Shion tried almost everything to get him to fetch a tree. She tried the big puppy eyes, the whining, the begging almost anything to get him to get one. But, Shion wasn't gonna put up with anything, she wanted this party to be PERFECT. This older brother was about to feel the wrath of his little sister.

"Jin….you go get that tree before I take your sword and shove it up your ----" He didn't even need to hear the last part, he took off to find the blasted tree! Talk about overkill on Shion's part.

Shion rummaged around her home and found some Christmas themed clothing. She picked up the red coat and watched chaos walk across the hall. Shion's lips curled into a plotting grin. With a little ingenuity chaos could possibly make a good Santa….IF he agreed that is…

"chaaaaos," chirped Shion cheerfully, albeit _too_ cheerful even the usually chip Vector engineer. Poor chaos didn't know if he should stay or run like all hell. He eyed the bit of red cloth and white fluff Shion failed to hide behind her back. He wasn't liking what he was seeing. 'C'mon chaos, think!' he thought, thinking of any possible excuse to be spared the humiliation of wearing that detestable red coat and beard. He sure as hell wasn't gonna let some booger-picking brat sit on his lap and rant on and on about what he wanted to get.

"Shion! I heard they're doing ice skating down at the First Sector, maybe you should take KOS-MOS!" He said quickly, cutting Shion off before she could even get another syllable out of her mouth. He laughed nervously, hoping against hope that his half-baked excuse would work.

"Ooh that sounds like a wonderful idea!" she sang, throwing the Santa suit up in the air and went to fetch the unsuspecting KOS-MOS, giggling like a high school student going to a concert of her favorite band. chaos laughed, not believing that actually worked, but took no chances and hightailed it outta there!

Meanwhile, in some sector not known in the game series, MOMO and Jr. were taking a nice walk in the park together. Now, I know some of you would be rooting for a cute Jr. and MOMO moment, but that ain't gonna happen! MOMO clung to Jr.'s arm like a normal girl on a date would do. Unfortunately, she didn't know she was supposed to cling lightly. "My…arm," Jr. cringed as the circulation to his poor arm began to be completely cut off.

"What was that, Jr.?"

"Nothing…"

"Ho! Ho! Ho, come 'ere little kiddies! Come sit on Santa's lap!" chirped the voice of Albedo. Now, now, I'm sure he doesn't mean that in a weird way! Don't go lumping him with Michael Jackson! Oh…you already did? Okay…

The little children gaped at Albedo with their mouths wide open (Why, even MOMO and Jr. were looking on in disbelief!). A chubby—rather, _well fed_, child stepped up to tell dear Santa his Christmas wishes.

"Um…I want a…um…a…um," the child stammered, crushing Albedo underneath the bulk. Oh, this could go on for awhile. You kinda gotta feel sorry for Albedo.

"Spit it out, you pound cake!" Yelled Albedo, growing frustrated. "Cut back on the pie, would you? Do your parents a favor!" He then ensued in his usual fits of laughter, which could last just about as long as the child's stammers.

Anyway, moving right along…

Following chaos's advice Shion brought KOS-MOS over to a frozen pond—pardon me, a "lake", to do the ever popular winter sport! No, not hockey. Ice skating!

"Shion, there is a 99.00000000001 probability that I will fall through the ice." KOS-MOS warned Shion, who was putting the ice skates on poor, little KOS-MOS. They were a little tight, but KOS-MOS ain't one to complain. Well, who would when you don't feel pain?

"Nonsense!" Shion chirped, the holiday sticking to her like a bad rash and erasing any logic Shion had. "Okay, why don't you try it, KOS-MOS?" She grinned so widely and oddly, she could make Albedo wet his pants!

KOS-MOS, still not liking the probabilities, stepped on the ice…

CRRAACK! ... SPLASH!

KOS-MOS fell right through the ice bringing all the other ice skaters down with her!

Shion's mouth hung open and only uttering a little "Oopsie" at the incident. KOS-MOS's body bobbed up and down in a giant ice cube. Hey, wait, this isn't a cartoon, dammit! Let's try this again: KOS-MOS came out of the frigid waters, a couple sparks emitting from her and some violent twitching…Actually, the other version was better!

With some rope and a sled Shion stole from a couple of kids Shion made her way back to Jin's house with the ice-cubed KOS-MOS riding in the sled. Back home, after setting KOS-MOS in front of the heater Shion set to work on putting up the decorations. Fake snow, fake reindeer, enough Christmas lights to replace a sun…you name it! She's got it all up. She marveled at her work, which would cost Jin handsomely when his electric bills would come at the end of the month.

chaos came back to the house only to be blinded by the bright lights and go into seizures as a result as well! Shion cried out in horror! She rushed over to chaos to stop his light-induced seizures.

Some Christmas this is turning out to be!

Meanwhile, back at the park in the city sector not mention in the game, Jr. and Albedo ensued in an ever common argument.

"Oh, c'mon you little wimp! Are you not man enough to wear it?" Albedo laughed, he wanted Jr. to be his little, helper elf.

"There's no way I'm gonna wear that! I want to be Santa!" Jr. growled, he didn't want to wear tights or a goofy little hat!

How did this start? Well, allow me to backtrack a little bit!

It started something like this: After Albedo finally shoved off the chubby—I mean _well fed_ kid MOMO had a random flash of genius and wanted to tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. Obviously, she's suffering from some sort of short term memory loss, but that's not the point! In any case, she wanted to sit on Santa's lap and reveal to him all of her sugar-coated wishes for the Christmas holiday. Albedo had nothing to say about that, but Jr. felt some jealous pang and wouldn't allow that! So what if he was only 4'7" tall!

'I'm far better-looking than Albedo!' thought Jr.

"Hey, Rubedo! Why don't you be my helper elf?" laughed Albedo, in a stroke of genius. Well, not really genius considering what happened after!

And that's exactly what happened!

Jr. was getting angry, so angry he took out his guns and started firing up at the air. He scared all the little kids away and managed to make himself look like a bigger fool when one of the bullets, conveniently, knocked a large, not so hollow, conveniently placed ornament over his head. It fell and—PWOK! Hit Jr. right in the noggin! Jr. swayed before plopping down face first in the snow.

…

A silence fell, then: Albedo burst out laughing.

"This is the BEST Christmas present!" he exclaimed in between fits of laughter.

"Oh, Jr...," MOMO slapped her forehead, shaking her head.

Now back to Allen in the First Sector! Poor, Allen thought he hit the jackpot when he saw all the discounts, everything 50 off!

"Eureka!" he cried!

And did a lot of shopping, he did! But, unfortunately, even though most of the store said "Everything 50 off!" Allen failed to read the fine print. The discounts excluded the expensive jewelry and picked on up he did. A pretty necklace for his beloved Shion that cost a pretty penny!

So when Allen went to pay he came to an awful realization! He couldn't pay! His job as assistant chief engineer didn't pay him enough to pay for that expensive piece of jewelry. He almost cried in the despair, he could only afford half of the necklace! Then, in a common stroke of genius, he said:

"Let me work here to pay off the necklace!" he told the manager of the store.

Happy to get some help the manager gave him the job no one else would take.

Ten minutes later, Allen stood on the streets in an elf suit that didn't quite fit ringing a silver bell. Allen seems doomed to a life-time of bad luck, so it seems. He rung the bell and said "Merry Christmas!" to the passerby's, of course wearing a scowl of discontent. On some occasions evil children would nail him snowballs and calling him names that I will not mention, poor Allen has such bad luck!

Anyway, Allen greeted the crowds all day long and eventually earned enough money to buy the lovely necklace for Shion! 'My luck is finally looking up!' he thought happily as he finished all his shopping finally. Wishful thinking, Allen!

While leaving, something caught his eye. The ever popular and damnable mistletoe! Finally, he'd have an excuse to sneak a little kiss with Shion. It almost seemed too good to be true! We can all engage in the gagging now!

Back at Jin's place, KOS-MOS finally completely thawed out after a couple hours in front of the heater.

"I am to do what?" KOS-MOS said, receiving orders from HQ. What was this shopping, she wondered. "Affirmative." She always did what she was told by HQ. This ought to be good! KOS-MOS's shopping escapades! Using her awesome android speed she quickly got to the mall in some other unknown sector of the city. She walked gingerly, not wanting to fall through anything else. Being stuck in a giant ice cube certainly ain't any fun!

KOS-MOS had no clue what to get! It's her first Christmas after all!

"I require that you assist me in buying Christmas presents," KOS-MOS spoke in her usual drone to some random dude at the shopping mall.

"Uh...whut?" the dude replied stupidly. "I, like, got done with my shoppin', biotch. So, like, I'm, like, home now." His drawl was unbearable, and it didn't help that a hillbilly also joined in.

"Well, Ah'll bee daimned, ye gunna refuse tae healp thees lovelai yaeng laedee?" Translation: "Well, I'll be damned, you gonna refuse to help this lovely young lady?"

"…Prepare to be annihilated." KOS-MOS warned, getting ready to fire her infamous X-BUSTER.

"Aw, like, crap!"

"Oh, sheeeeeet!"

KABOOM!

An entire side of the shopping mall was blown to bits. People stopped in the middle of a step, stared a couple seconds then….MASS HYSTERIA! Everyone dropped what they were carrying and ran like all hell!

"Had someone helped from the beginning you would have saved two weeks time in a hospital." KOS-MOS informed the dimwit and the hillbilly, as if she had nothing wrong. After a few quick scans she just picked up what the fleeing people left behind. What a cheapo.

"Shopping sure has become dangerous over the years," Ziggy, who just happened to be there, commented to himself.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" screamed a mall employee, running with his arms up in the air screaming as if something was going to fall from the sky.

"Or maybe people have just become stupider…"

The employee, still in his hysteria, began to shake Ziggy and yelling at the top of his lungs in Ziggy's face.

POW!

With a single punch Ziggy knocked the poor employee out! I thought Christmas was a peaceful time! The employee flew until he finally came to rest under a fake reindeer that looked like it was eating his hair. Oh, Ziggy, must you fail to realize the violence you made just now?

I swear, sometimes this group has no common sense!

Anyway, let's fast forward a little bit; to later this evening (Yes, the author is running out of ideas). Shion's Christmas party is a hit! Everyone is enjoying themselves, all in the holiday cheer. Shion was happy her party is going well, Jr. and Albedo are getting along, chaos recovered from his seizures, and Jin didn't get a sword up his ass...Yes! Everything was going well. But what's a party without a little insanity!

Of course, Allen still had his beloved mistletoe and he wasn't about let it go unused. He spotted Shion over with chaos, getting food from the little snacks table. He floated over to where chaos and Shion were chatting and being an idiot that he is sometimes he closed his eyes to try and imagine a more romantic setting in his head. Unfortunately, he didn't notice Shion leaving, then held up the mistletoe and opened his eyes.

"Oh Sh--!" He almost cursed seeing it was chaos he put the mistletoe over. Wow. He must have made some god angry. So much bad luck in just one day!

"I'm flattered, Allen!" chaos, to Allen's surprise, said. "But you're just not my type."

'What's that supposed to mean!' Allen thought. 'This wasn't supposed to happen! Oh, why me?'

On the other side of the room, Ziggy thought he'd indulge himself with some eggnog. He took a large gulp. He paused, something was wrong.

KZZZT! BZZZT! BOOM!

Everyone's jaw dropped at the explosion that came from Ziggy. Being mostly mechanic, some of the eggnog must have caused him to explode!

Yup, this is some Christmas!

**End!**

**Chaos's notes: **Well, what do you think! Ha ha, I had so much fun working on this, even though it took me awhile. School takes up so much of my time. Ugh! I may write more to this. Leave me suggestions or die!...I mean, please? Oh yeah, XenoMark helped me write this too. He gave me some ideas (like KOS-MOS shopping and the eggnog explosion.) So, thanks Mark!

Uh, what else…I think that's all for now!

Feel free to leave me a review, I enjoy getting those!

3


	2. Chapter 2

**Chaos's Note:** Okay, this is BEYOND late, but hey, it's an update, right? This…turned into a musical (kinda), which makes it kinda scary. I'll put a list of all the song names and artists I used to butcher the image of our favorite Xenosaga characters….Please don't kill me.

**Note:** The characters are way out of character, like that's a surprise!

**A Very Xeno Year**

**Spoof # 2 **

**Happy New Year's!**

Yes, you guessed it; Shion's planning yet another party! "Another party!" you exclaim. "She had one just six days ago!" True that, but there's another holiday in the month December! Yes, you guessed it: New Year's Eve….Day….Whatever. What other hilarities will befall the Xenosaga crew! Will Allen finally get his chance with Shion! I think I better stop with the announcer talk before I scare everyone away….

Moving along!

"What light from yonder window breaks? It is the sun and Shion is the east!" Allen exclaimed, throwing his hands up to the air.

….No. Try again.

"My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second name it's M-E-Y-E-R!"

Wrong again, dammit! Screw your head on right, you buffoon!

"Oh Shion! I will get a kiss from you this year even if it kills me!"

There we go.

Allen was getting desperate! He just wanted a solitary kiss from Shion! It didn't even have to be passionate! She's always spending time drooling over KOS-MOS and never looked at Allen's efforts. Well…considering the amount of whining he does, I'd avoid him too…

Anyway, Allen set to work that "wonderful" noggin of his. How could he get a kiss in? He thought….and thought….and thought some more, like the Grinch when he wanted to steal Christmas, but rather, Allen wanted to steal a kiss from Shion! Poor woman doesn't know what Allen is planning!

Let's just say his plan involves alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. His plan could actually work; after all, EVERYBODY gets drunk on New Year's. Moms, dads, sisters, brothers, even the resident squirrels get drunk!

Let's leave Allen to succumb to perpetually bad luck and switch over to everyone's favorite bookkeeping samurai: Jin Uzuki!

On this particular day the thirty-five year old samurai was not at all happy! Why, you ask? Like many bills at the end of the month his electric bill just came in the mail! And what a jaw dropping amount it was! How much was it? Let's just say it was enough to put Wilhelm in debt! You'd have a killer electricity bill too if you used enough electricity to power the whole planet!

Jin dashed into his house looking for his little sister to give her a piece of his mind! Oh wait, Jin! KOS-MOS just finished waxing the floor….!

SQUREEE! CRASH!

Jin crashed headlong into one of his many bookcases filled with mountains of heavy hardcover books, the books toppled over and buried Jin, not only books but he was buried in dust! Could his grandpa possibly have any more books! KOS-MOS cautiously looked at Jin from behind the bookcase he crashed into.

"I didn't do it!" She declared and scurried to another room whistling as _innocently_ as a fully-equipped battle android could.

Jin swore he could see tiny little electric bills dancing around his head and he muttered, dizzily, "No, I will not go out with you…"

Since a reviewer asked for more Jin he'll have another scene later, but for now we'll switch over to our favorite midget! No, not the Oompa Loompas from Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory…Jr.!

"I've got a luvaly buncha coconuts! There they are standing in a row!" sang Jr. as he dusted off the innumerable amount of books Jin had lying around.

…

"Big ones, small ones! Some as big as your head!" Albedo joined in, wearing a "cute" pink apron and a head wrap. Pink does not belong on psychotic U.R.T.Vs with a Lolita complex!

Oh God, no! This is just wrong! Wrong! Wrong I tell you! No more scenes for these two! I don't care what the author says!

"Wish we had a Japanese banana, it would be so very nice!"

"What a doozy Japanese banana! Don't want the cherries and rice!"

Argh!

Meanwhile, Shion thought it'd be a cute idea to teach KOS-MOS how to cook. Oh, come on! Cooking? The only thing KOS-MOS needs to learn is how to oil herself!

In any case, Shion set out to cook a normal, at least in a white person's home, New Year's meal. Say, would a scientist who only seems to know how to cook curry even know how to cook a chicken properly? Let's wait and see!

"OH SH--!" cursed Shion, batting at the flames with her cooking apron, ruining a perfectly good chicken! Yes, the oven caught on fire! Who would have guessed!

That's towards the end of Shion and KOS-MOS's culinary escapade. Let's look at their other blunders, shall we?

To start it off, KOS-MOS does not know that roasting means putting something in the oven and letting cook…No, instead she armed herself with her ever trusty R-CANNON and blew the poor chicken to smithereens! You even heard it "BWAK!" before turning to a pile of ash!

And who doesn't know how to cook potatoes? Apparently, these two don't.

First try: the potatoes shriveled to the size of raisins.

Second try: the potatoes ended up looking like pieces of charcoal.

Third time: Finally, they turned out like they should _look_ but the taste was like eating pencils! I wouldn't even be surprised if the texture was like wood and graphite.

Okay, onto the salad part. I bet you're thinking "They can't POSSIBLY screw this up!" Unfortunately, the salad did not even escape the wrath of wannabe chefs. I won't go into details about what happened, but I'll just say it didn't look like salad anymore…it probably wasn't even salad when it was done!

"I'll just make curry," Shion declared through tears of defeat! Oh the pains of defeat!

"Waka Laka! Waka Laka! Waka Laka! Waka Laka's a thing to play forever, just to be together (Just to be together)! Waka Laka's a place to be forever! Waka Laka love and fantasy! " Sang Jr. and Albedo, dancing through the kitchen. 

DAH! Stop singing! This isn't a musical!

Let's go back to everyone's _favorite_ Vector engineer Allen Ridgeley. While thinking of ways to sneak a kiss with Shion he thought of some New Year's resolutions. One of them being: "Be cool for the next year and Shion will be all over you!" Hah, wishful thinking. Allen decided to start early with his resolution to be "cool".

He wandered around the First City Sector in search of something to make him look "cool". Whether it be a cape, a spandex suit that is very uncomfortable around the crotch or some glittery, sparkly, and sugar coated wand of love!

"Man," he whined after an hour, "I'm never gonna be cool! They should have Superhero pills or Be-Cool-in-10-Seconds pills!"

Allen continued to walk through the sector when he came to a very shady alley with a shady looking fortune teller dude/lady/whateverthing sitting on a table.

"Pssst, sir!" The fortune teller called out in a mysterious voice. Then he/she/it snorted and broke into a giggling fit (Is this who I think it is?), continuing it said: "I got something for you, young man!"

Intrigued Allen stepped closer to the fortune teller. "Really, will it make me cool!"

"Err… Snort, giggle…sure, sure! Whatever you want!" The fortune teller handed him a mysterious bottle that was as crusty and old as the Patriarch's face.

"EW! What the hell is **that**?" Shrieked Allen, at the sight of the bottle.

"Take this with a bottle of alcohol and you'll become cooler than your wildest dreams!" said the fortune teller.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Allen, pocketing the pills and running towards the nearest liquor store! I can't believe he bought that…Doesn't he know that it's bad to take pills with alcohol? I guess not.

"I can't believe he bought it," laughed the fortune teller, hysterically.

Say, aren't stores closed on New Year's?

"MOMO, could you please go to the store to buy ingredients?" Shion asked the young realian (You've got to be kidding me!). After MOMO received the mile-long shopping list, MOMO set out with the magically restored Ziggy to the grocery store!

"Um…I think it's closed," MOMO announced, with her face against the glass of the window peering in to see if anyone was inside (Would it hurt to read the sign on the door?).

"I'm sure they just left the door closed," Ziggy responded, placing a hand on the door handle and tearing it from its hinges! Did some forget to turn on Ziggy's common sense? Wasn't he a cop!

"Halt, villains!" yelled the voices of police that just so happened to be there, "Surrender peacefully or suffer the consequences!" The police officer stroke a very cheesy superhero pose, with an even cheesier strobe light backdrop and explosions that made a store nearby catch on fire, but that's beside the point!

"Never! I will finish my shopping!" Retaliated MOMO.

"There's always the BEEP treatment or the BEEP BEEEEP treatment if you don't come peacefully!"

"Are you even allowed to say that!" Ziggy cried out in shock!

"My poor virgin ears!" cried MOMO, covering her ears but the damage has already been dealt!

"Yes, so long as it's censored, I shouldn't get sued!" Replied the cop, doing an Elvis dance impersonation.

"I have my rights!" Ziggy yelled as a group of cops began to drag him away.

"Um, no you don't! The Miltian Charter gives rights to humans and realians! Didn't say smack about guys with metal asses having any rights!"

"DAMN!"

20 minutes later…

"Oh, Ziggy! I feel like we're never going to get out of here!" MOMO cried in despair sitting beside Ziggy in their cell. Why, Ziggy was already marking the minutes on the walls, despite the fact that he has a fully functional internal clock!

"We'll need to think of a way to escape from here before midnight. I wanna go on a drinking binge!" Ziggy replied. He's such a model ex-cop.

Back at the Uzuki residence, by some odd chance, Shion was actually looking Allen. The reason for this once in a lifetime shall be revealed soon enough!

"Now where could Allen be?" Shion thought out loud to herself. She opened one door to find Allen! Except, he was doing something mildly disturbing!

He shrieked when he caught Shion staring at him trying on replicas of the typical Japanese kindergarten student's uniform. Who ever said short-shorts were outta style?

"Allen! I told you to lay off the crack already!" Shion scolded.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed.

I think the reason Shion was looking for him is better left unsaid.

Let's fast forward a couple hours…

"Say, chaos," Allen asked the silver-haired youth, "what's the best way to tell someone you like them?" Why would chaos know, I wonder?

"WELL," he began, "I'd say you should just grab the person and kiss them! But that won't work for you since you're such a whiny bitch half the time! And that Vector uniform is so not sexy!" Did I mention that he suddenly acquired a Carson Kressely accent? With that said he walked away, with his chin high in the air!

"Wha--?" Allen was left stunned! He stared after chaos is sheer disbelief! What happened to the helpful chaos who never insulted anyone!

Elsewhere, Shion hit the jackpot for alcohol! A large stash of sake and all sorts of different wines and beers! Enough to keep them hung over for a week! I knew Jin sounded a little drugged sometimes!

"Oh hell yeah!" squealed Shion.

At that moment Jin came in!

"You did not just find my secret stash of alcohol, Shion!" He screamed!

"Oh yes, I did!"

"Having you been spying on me again!"

"Every minute!"

At that Jin shrieked in horror. "Even in the shower!" He asked in horror.

"…."

Ew.

Now in order to keep this form dragging and furthering your brain damage let's see how the crew spends the few minutes before the fateful hour of midnight! Dun dun dun!

"And then, I totally kick his ass!" Hiccupped Shion, teetering dangerously back and forth with a bottle of sake in her hands. "It was, like, awesome!"

MOMO and Ziggy had escaped from prison, chaos got in touch with his feminine side, Jr. and Albedo were still singing random songs.

"Oh no, no, no, don't phunk with mah heart! I wonder if I take you home, would you still be in love, baby," Jr. sang lively.

Oh, for the love of….!

Jin was cautiously looking for secret cameras for he was now convinced that he was being spied on by the government, KOS-MOS was still trying to learn to cook without making food coming out like pieces of charcoal, and Allen was trying his cool pills.

"This is the moment of truth!" Allen was looking at the tiny, crusty looking pill in his palm and his more than tall glass of beer with a silly straw. He put the pill in his mouth and took a sip of beer through the silly straw.

And now…

A large fart resounded throughout the room, and probably throughout the neighborhood as well! Don't even get me started on how bad it smelled!

Albedo broke into a fit of laughter and soon passed out from lack of oxygen! The rest evacuated the house as soon as possible, while taking all the booze along! Can't forget the booze!

And thus the celebration continued outside till the early morn, while Allen was still inside crying tears of never ending shame!

Later in the day….

KOS-MOS went to asses the destruction left by Allen's monstrous fart, leaving behind the seemingly lifeless lumps of flesh that was the Xenosaga crew out in the front yard. She found the Vector employee lying on the floor, groaning like a hung over person.

"Oh I am so hung over…" He groaned.

"Oh, please, Allen," KOS-MOS said, "my records show that you only had half a glass of beer. Suck it up, you maggot!

**Owari!**

Chaos's Notes: How did you enjoy this bastardization from hell:D Please don't kill me. I'm sorry; it's such a lame chapter! I, seriously have no sense of humor! But there are hardly any traditions for New Year's that I can spoof well. ;; Review if you wanna, but don't flame me. Thanks again to XenoMark for his help.

Song List (In order from when they are first sung):

The Oscar Meyer Weiner song – the commercials

The Coconut Song – Monty Python (I'm not sure which movie)

Japanese Banana – Alvin and the Chipmunks

Waka Laka (EMc2 Mix) – DDR 7th Mix

Don't Phunk with My Heart – Black Eyed Peas

If you want me to update faster gimme some ideas! I have no sense of humor anymore.


End file.
